She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I die, sorry about rent.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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