i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
