I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize