if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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