If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
