There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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