he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize