I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize