Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
