Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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