Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
