it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
