You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
