Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
whose ass print is on the piano?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
