Kiss
Puke
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I smell like Dick and happiness
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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