Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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