This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i will never coherently bang her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
