Your face is a jimmy john
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
