he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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