either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
