so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
