see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
