I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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