Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
