The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
