When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
