Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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