remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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