im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
