Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
