Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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