At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
