real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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