just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
