We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
