i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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