You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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