Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
