Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
