You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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