Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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