Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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