Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she peed on how many people?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize