just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just had sex bonerless
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
