My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
