If i come over, it means nothing
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
