I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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