What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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