you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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