i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
