Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
