Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
