I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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