Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we have officially lost it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
