I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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