You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
