So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
