God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize