I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
