her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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