i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
