Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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