420 ftw
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
