mondays should just be called national damage control day
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I had to cum in my sink.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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