I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just found a bag of teeth...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
