saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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