he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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