U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
